Friday, April 4, 2008
So, this may sound a little silly to some of you, but hear me out on this one. I have an idea that could help solve many problems. Celebrities, which hereafter should cover Hollywood, TV and music stars as well as any other people with fame and no actual talent, should date and/or marry us "normal" people. There, I said it. I know you're laughing right now, but think about it. First of all, the relationships would have exponentially better chances of, not only survival, but success. The absence of both people in the relationship being a "phony" person, due to a life lived in front of cameras and press and adoring, psychotic fans, would bring a balance to it that is non-existent currently. We "normal" jackoffs could be uninteresting arm dressing to the stars and slink into the background to pursue our less popular dreams and aspirations. This could also lead to the rise of a stable parent in Hollywood families, as I know I would be fully willing to take on the bulk of the child-rearing while my wife Scarlett goes off to shoot a movie for weeks at a time. Sure, we'd follow her to locations sometimes, but also be accepting of the need to stay central for the benefit of a family. I also wouldn't mind doing a bit more of the domestic work (okay, a lot more), in exchange for the comfort of not worrying about finances, seeing as that I'm married to a multi-millionaire, and the ability to write and compose music with more expansive chunks of free time. And, shit, let's face it, I'd be a fucking kept man if I got to sleep with the likes of Scarlett or a Mask-era Cameron Diaz or Salma Hayek and so on. This may sound very shallow, which it is on some levels, but it also would benefit myself and many other normal fools by instilling us with a healthy shot of self-esteem (this plan is certainly for men and women, I'm just writing from my perspective of a hetero male), because we're dating/marrying movie stars. The benefit is not all for the normal dickheads, however. Think how happy we could make famous people? I know that I would be much more attentive to the needs and desires of Penelope Cruz, as well as my own, than many of the famous douchebags she's dated. I have a very distinct, clear notion of how to properly treat a woman and am, as a bonus, a hopeless romantic (which the normal jackass population is overflowing with!). This would also additionally benefit the famous half of the relationship, because they wouldn't have to share the spotlight with us. Furthermore, the famous could be utilized as a vehicle for progress and change and political sway in ways different than they already are, because they would constantly be in the presence of people who didn't have it all handed to them on a fucking platter, thus the concerns of the other 98% of the world would become relevant. And, finally, speaking of the other 98% of the world, financial resources would, hopefully, begin to filter out of those tight knit circles of fame and power due to their newfound love for normal fuckos and the lovely mixing of famous and normal jackoff bloodlines. Eventually, hopefully again, redistributing the wealth now in the hands of the few back out to the many, as they would be re-enlightened as to the true important elements and factors in life, rather than just material equivalents to peacock feathers . So, think about it, this plan could very well be the key to a social and mental revolution that could be widespread enough to save the world and, of course, my love life!