You know you're in Kansas when...

...Poltics, business and religion are caught up in a three-way orgy in the form of a company-approved sticker on the back of a commercial semi. So, I listened to some music with "subversive" politics to offset the truck and the numerous roadside signs proclaiming the right to life. If I don't make it back home to Seattle, look for me in the dark basement of a conservative church in rural Kansas. Oh yeah, that's another thing. A couple counties back, a billboard claimed the area's fame as being the home of Senators Arlen Specter and Bob Dole. YIKES! How can such spooky conservatives come from a place that looks so beautiful and serene?
Drove through some of the hardest, driving rain I've ever seen, underneath some of the biggest motha fuckin clouds I done ever seen. Makes for a little bit of white knuckle driving, but all was okay after a few. Tomorrow, Lawrence and to hang with my boy Jake-O!!
Music of the day: Outer Perimeter by Presage and the Soundtrack to The Asassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford by Nick Cave & Warren Ellis.
Player of the day: Scott Kazmir of the Tampa Bay Rays, who pitched well enough to put the Yankees in the AL East basement.

I can't say much about Wyoming, I must be on roaming!!

This is about how I feel/felt about Wyoming, with one glaring exception: they have Yellowstone and the Grand Tetons, which, as I said yesterday, are freakin awesome!! However, the rest of the state leaves me a little underwhelmed. Long, straight, uneventful highways with little or nothing to look at (once you see the same, unwavering landscape for 300 miles, it becomes ho-hum). I blasted all the way to Colorado Springs, CO today, which means I did this. The one valuable lesson I learned today is that, while I may have gotten bored with Wyoming, at least all that wasn't as ball-busting, nerve-wracking as navigating an unfamiliar city (Denver) during rush hour traffic and through about 16 different road construction zones. The lesson learned? I am a way better driver than I originally gave myself credit for and I still don't like big bunches of people (that I don't already know and except for baseball games, er....that sucks too). That's why I put on Celestial by ISIS to purge the hate and nerves after Denver. More later, but now I gotta go eat at either a Hooters or TGIFriday's...hmmm, I'll need a drink! Oh yeah, my man Andrew (who I just met 35 minutes ago, here at Microtel Suites) hooked me up with a fat discount on my room!!! Guess I do have a charming personality afterall!
Oh, and ONE more thing: Jay Payton can kiss my ass for his Grand Salami to kill the Sox today, little fucker!

Road weary, bleary and void of fury

That Buffalo was about 3 feet from my car window!! I could even hear him huffing and grunting as he chawed on grasses, right after he crossed the highway in Yellowstone in front of my car. Pretty freakin cool to see that, in fact, I spent my whole day up close and personal with big animals. This morning I got up in West Yellowstone and went down to their Grizzly & Wolf Discovery Center. From there, I got cruisin into the park where I saw deer, caribou, elk, moose and some grizzly in the open. This was quite comical, because I stopped to check out the bear, which I am completely terrified of, and when I got back in the car, it wouldn't start. I thought, "Fuck, am I spending the night with the bears?!" I got a jump, which proved unnecessary, because it only wouldn't start, because I left it in reverse, which renders it unstartable. My own stupidity (probably brought on by my facing my fear of bears) gave me a little scare. If you can't laugh at yourself, then, well, you have a sad fuckin life. After that, I saw the Grand Tetons, which just absolutely rule...totally gorgeous and hard to describe without just being there. So, now I'm getting ready to crash in the Sundowner Hotel in Riverton, WY, a true bastion of culture and progressive thought (this comment will surely render me totally unwelcome here ever again!).
Unfortunately for me, the Sox lost again tonight. But, tonight's player of the day is Asdrubel Cabrera, who turned an unassisted triple play last night (holy shit!) and made an insane catch in shallow center tonight, keeping in mind that he plays 2nd Base, this play was incredible.
As for today's music, I couldn't pick a clear winner on the road, so we have a medley of tunes. Both Unomia and Eingya by Helios were perfect accompaniment for the drive through Yellowstone with their understated melancholy and mellow spaciness. Then some Kyuss for the drive down into Riverton, some straight highways with red clay plateaued hills to either side.
It was a beautiful day and a great drive!!!

By the way

Today's album of choice is Jan Jelinek's Kosmischer Pitch.
Take a listen...I did. A couple of times on the drive.

Road Trip: Day 2 or somethin

This is what it looks like when you are trying to leapfrog 3 semi trucks in a row in a blizzard on a straight fucked highway. Actually, it wasn't that bad, but there was this dude in a Honda behind me that couldn't wait to get at it, so it was a little stressful, but fun. The drive was easy and quick...I pulled into W Yellowstone with many hours to spare and drink. I loved all the buffalo along the roadside, including a calf who looked as though he was ready to kick some ass. The Sox lost on the HD TV at the bar, but these dudes from Detroit were stoked to see their Red Wings (many jokes here) win in the Stanley Cup Playoffs. All in all, a great day and a great time, a few drunk folks at Bullwinkle's to have a conversation with. Hopefully tomorrow will provide a clear ride through the park and if not, I'll find a way to peep the Grand Tetons anyway. I know, for sure, though, that I'll check out the Wolf/Bear Rehab Center here in town before anything else. Can't wait!

Road Trip: Day 1

So, this is how I looked as I turned 33, but now I'm on my friggin 3 week road trip!! Built for speed, fuckers! My first day was a long stretch from Seattle all the way to Kalispell, Monatana. This is about a 9 and a half hour drive, which normally puts mere mortals to bed just after stepping out of the car, but not Larry Legend, I was ready to go after my marathon on Friday. It was a mostly uneventful drive, save for a rogue coyote just outside of Ritzville. I was bombin along after a break for gas and a snack and I was looking out at the lake to the right (don't know the name, but it is minutes after Ritzville) and I look back at the road only to see a coyote STANDING in the middle of I-90!!! Luckily, I was able to slow down and honk my dear trickster god off the highway, but it gave me a start...my heart was racing, because I would really prefer not to kill any animals at all on this trip. I thought of it as a good omen, just like the bird that shit into my open car window a few days ago (great shot, crow!). The album of the day's drive is Portishead's Third, which rules...please take a listen. It won't be what you want from the band you remember, but a great album. The Player of the Day is Carl Yastrzemski, who shows up a crazy number of times in SABR's record book, which my main shit stain John Baker got me for my birthday. I wonder if he is that, because his name is so easy to recognize, but then again, he was the shit. Go YAZ!!!

I've got an idea!!

So, this may sound a little silly to some of you, but hear me out on this one. I have an idea that could help solve many problems. Celebrities, which hereafter should cover Hollywood, TV and music stars as well as any other people with fame and no actual talent, should date and/or marry us "normal" people. There, I said it. I know you're laughing right now, but think about it. First of all, the relationships would have exponentially better chances of, not only survival, but success. The absence of both people in the relationship being a "phony" person, due to a life lived in front of cameras and press and adoring, psychotic fans, would bring a balance to it that is non-existent currently. We "normal" jackoffs could be uninteresting arm dressing to the stars and slink into the background to pursue our less popular dreams and aspirations. This could also lead to the rise of a stable parent in Hollywood families, as I know I would be fully willing to take on the bulk of the child-rearing while my wife Scarlett goes off to shoot a movie for weeks at a time. Sure, we'd follow her to locations sometimes, but also be accepting of the need to stay central for the benefit of a family. I also wouldn't mind doing a bit more of the domestic work (okay, a lot more), in exchange for the comfort of not worrying about finances, seeing as that I'm married to a multi-millionaire, and the ability to write and compose music with more expansive chunks of free time. And, shit, let's face it, I'd be a fucking kept man if I got to sleep with the likes of Scarlett or a Mask-era Cameron Diaz or Salma Hayek and so on. This may sound very shallow, which it is on some levels, but it also would benefit myself and many other normal fools by instilling us with a healthy shot of self-esteem (this plan is certainly for men and women, I'm just writing from my perspective of a hetero male), because we're dating/marrying movie stars. The benefit is not all for the normal dickheads, however. Think how happy we could make famous people? I know that I would be much more attentive to the needs and desires of Penelope Cruz, as well as my own, than many of the famous douchebags she's dated. I have a very distinct, clear notion of how to properly treat a woman and am, as a bonus, a hopeless romantic (which the normal jackass population is overflowing with!). This would also additionally benefit the famous half of the relationship, because they wouldn't have to share the spotlight with us. Furthermore, the famous could be utilized as a vehicle for progress and change and political sway in ways different than they already are, because they would constantly be in the presence of people who didn't have it all handed to them on a fucking platter, thus the concerns of the other 98% of the world would become relevant. And, finally, speaking of the other 98% of the world, financial resources would, hopefully, begin to filter out of those tight knit circles of fame and power due to their newfound love for normal fuckos and the lovely mixing of famous and normal jackoff bloodlines. Eventually, hopefully again, redistributing the wealth now in the hands of the few back out to the many, as they would be re-enlightened as to the true important elements and factors in life, rather than just material equivalents to peacock feathers . So, think about it, this plan could very well be the key to a social and mental revolution that could be widespread enough to save the world and, of course, my love life!